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xxxsevenxxx
16 April 2011 @ 04:12 am
 I guess the easiest place to begin is obviously the beginning of it all... 

Ever since I was little I've felt absolutely no control over my life... I've felt that the world and everything in it was meant for everybody but me... The few times I felt control make me sick looking back on them. Meaningless harm of defenseless creatures, hurting those younger and weaker than me... And yet, the stuff I really wanted control over was MY life and the people that belonged in it... Honestly, though, I don't remember almost any of my childhood... Maybe I'm glad I don't, but then again that's one more thing I have no control over, my memories. 

To continue with the story... I must introduce to you the first time I purposefully caused myself harm... I was in 4th grade and it was a Friday night... I can remember this simply because it was an extreme decision... Friday night was the only night kids under 18 in Millcreek were allowed to be outside past 10 pm... And the main reason was because of Evans Skateland... It was almost closing time and I was, I believe, one of the few on the skate floor... I was teaching myself how to skate backwards... I took a pretty drastic spill and tried to catch myself and only managed to twist my arm to a weird angle... At that time it wasn't broken, but the pain was intense for a little while, and then it seemed like nothing else mattered, that everything was finally alright... It barely hurt... The next morning I woke up with the make-shift sling still supporting my arm, and yet, I felt nothing but embarrassment and pain... The next thing I remember is being locked out of the house by my mother for being "stupid and worthless"... I don't know what I was feeling, I'm not even sure I felt anything, really... I just remember slamming my injured arm over and over again against a door frame until I felt I had my due punishment... I don't even remember crying while intentionally torturing myself simply because my mind was rather busy finally feeling the effect life was having on me at the moment... I wound up at the hospital getting a cast put on my arm due to a hairline fracture between the two bones in my right forearm... 
 
I then turned to secretly biting myself until I broke skin, mind you, I was a kid... I don't think I even really understood the relationship between the pain and my brains brief lapse of realities pain and torture that I was given... This progressed to simply smashing my own head against walls at certain times... 
 
When I reached a certain age, I became interested in seeing what shaving razors did... I first took it to my stomach area and left a huge gash, I felt good, but also panicky because how was I supposed to hide that specific experiment from my family... I ended up trying to lie about it, making up excuses as to how I got the gash... At the time when I started shaving I would get nicks and cuts, blowing it off simply as accidental, though they always seemed to make me feel better... The initial sting, the sight of blood, then the act of cleaning it with Alcohol... The last time I used a razor to inflict self-harm it involved taking a deep chunk off the back of each ankle... I could not stop the bleeding myself, so I had to get my Adopted mother to help out... Still in feelings of bliss, yet not connecting the feeling with the act of self-harm, I sat through her lecture and taking away my razor rights... 

I still was doing the head banging against the walls... Yet, I had moved towards slight electrocution by touching live wires on broken plugs and even to the extremes of grabbing electric fences... I had, by this time, grasped at the association between my feelings of invisibility, anxiety, depression and disassociation with the self-harm and feeling relief and control... I was easier to be around after intentionally hurting myself and at this point didn't have to worry about hiding anything because there wasn't anything to hide... But, once bashing my head lost it's power to relieve my anxiety and allow me to feel I moved on to a more extreme form of self-torture...
 
I began tearing apart my metal pencil sharpeners that came with my art kits and using the razors to slash my skin... I was really good at hiding the cuts and scabs at first, though allowing them to heal was past me... I would constantly pick at them and tear open the wounds over and over again... After a while, it became difficult to hide the cutting, but for a while my adoptive mother was buying the lie that the cat was scratching me... I stopped cutting for a while and turned to a game called quarters, which is basically a great way to make your friends cause the pain and not guess that it's wrong... The idea of the game was to keep the spinning quarter spinning and if you knocked it down you had to place your hand, knuckles down, on the table or floor and the person flicked the quarter at your knuckles really hard... But, then my adoptive mother began to notice those cuts and scars and figured out what it was coming from... She first asked me to stop, and even though I promised to stop, I still did it... At church the following day I tried to hide the cuts but she noticed them anyways... She was really upset with me and I secluded myself back into my disassociated world where I felt nothing but constant loathing of myself... 
 
At one point I took a surfactant to my eye and burned off 90% of my cornea... But was able to make everyone believe I got glass dust in my eye instead... 
 
I began cutting again... The most severe was cutting my face up... I ended up in a psych ward where the whole 8 days I was in there I was on a cocktail of muscle relaxers and anti-psychotic meds... I don't remember much of my stay there... But, I do remember 2 people I met there... One was a little black boy that attached himself to my side whenever I wasn't in my room... The other was a girl who was younger than me, and I had snuck into her room and kissed her... 
 
I had then become a home schooler... And was under constant surveillance and was washed away in my pain and hatred... I hated life... I hated myself... I fought with my adoptive mother constantly and said many hateful things... I went through the months in a fog of numbness and emotional pain... And then I got kicked out 1 day before christmas... 
 
I began cutting again... And, kept doing it even after I started drowning my life in alcohol... 
 
 I'm now 21 years old and still have serious issues... I hate myself and the way I let my life turn out... I hate that I can't face my past, or even remember it.... I can't remember the last time I felt happy, let alone any emotion at all... I stop taking my meds completely and am high strung and start fights with everyone... Even my husband... I put myself in situations that are life-threatening and cause an equal amount of emotional and physical pain... And am constantly dealing with everything stressful... I keep searching for something that will make me feel... That will mask the pain I feel everyday and allow my emotions to come back to me...
 
I feel you have regretfully read enough... 
Your humble narrator... 
 
 
Current Mood: sleepysleepy
 
 
xxxsevenxxx
17 October 2010 @ 10:33 pm
So, I've been sitting here thinking why is it always me that winds up depressed, anxious and alone... Though I'm not really alone... I mean, I have family, I have a wonderful boyfriend and I have wonderful friends that truly do care about me... It just seems pointless to me sometimes when I'm constantly worried about what I'm doing because someone will be angered or offended... I mean, come on, Casey buys me a 19 dollar sweater today, I walk in the house and my mother is yelling at me because we were late, not really thinking that I was at work that late and bought it on the way out... I don't get what I'm supposed to do... I really don't... There are so many things I wish I could say to her but I just think she'd either get really pissy with me or just kick me out and say she doesn't have to deal with it... Which is true, she doesn't, but neither do I... 

Such a paradox, isn't it...

I wish I knew exactly how I'm supposed to get through the day any more... All I do is go to work, come home, do school if I have to and get on my computer... 

My life basically sucks... I don't know why I live back at home with my parents... But it is nice to live here again... It's nice to be with my family even though I know I can't stand it sometimes... Need a break from all the rules occasionally and want to be my own person, do what I want to do when I want to do it and all that jazz... 

Well I guess not much else to say tongith
I'll ttyl... 
 
 
Current Mood: annoyedannoyed
 
 
xxxsevenxxx
17 September 2010 @ 02:49 am
So, it's been quite a while since I've posted again... It's hard to feel like shit is worth going through when you have WAY to much going on in your head... I feel as if my life is turning inside out, yet it's going the way I need it to right now...

So a few weeks ago, my sister decided to throw a temper tantrum while I was babysitting, I tried to restrain her to settle her down and get her to go to her room... She decided at this time that she was going to kick me in the knee, knee me in the crotch and proceed to tell me I'm retarded and that she fucking hated me... How much could one person already hate themselves without dealing with their siblings fucking with their heads too... I got so pissed after she did this to me that I shoved her so hard through a doorway that I thought she was going to crack her head on a counter and I was going to be in trouble because I'd have to call my mother and tell her she had to take my sister to the hospital because she had an open laceration on her head... Wouldn't that just add to my day... ON TOP OF ALL OF THIS, my boyfriend was at the house with me ticking me off while playing Magic The Gathering... He seems to do that quite frequently these days... Or maybe it's just me...

I guess it's time to be honest with my journal... I have a few disorders running through me... I'm Bipolar, which for those of you who don't know what this is, it's also called Manic-Depressive Disorder... I'm A.D.D, which doesn't help me in my schooling at all... AND, I have what is called Reactive Attachment Disorder... I don't really know how to explain that one, so maybe you should look it up... To top the sundae with whipped cream and a cherry, we'll now discuss the disorders running around in my house... My sister is also Bipolar, has A.D.H.D and R.A.D as well... And the older of the two younger brothers has Tourettes, Aspergers Syndrome and A.D.H.D... If you didn't think it was hard to function in this family already, my mother is slightly overbearing... Not to the point that anyone who was raised by her couldn't stand... But, that other people see it as a problem for me... I guess... So I've heard... I have no problem with it, I actually think the reasoning behind it is because of her raising my one brother that she just can't switch back to her other some-what dysfunctional yet normal kids... Yes, though I was adopted, I am still one of their children... I have no problem with being adopted, though it poses some problems with my biological family, and that is why we do not have communication... 

Is there ever a time when I feel normal... No... Oh, but how I dream to be normal... But, how does one define normal... I see it as never having to worry about being depressed and wondering why because there's no logical reason why I should be at the given moment... I see it as being able to function in society without feeling anxious that others are judging me for how I look or what I say... The constant fear that someones going to think I'm retarded or that they will see that I'm nervous and think I'm a freak because I don't get out much in the public... Who knows really... I hate feeling like I don't belong anywhere and that's why I don't go out... I'd rather get ignored behind my back than to my face... Which, now that I think about it, both seem to happen more often than not... 

The coolest thing I think about moving back in with my family is the friends I've made... There's this one dude that is like my bestest friend in the whole world... It's hard to say that when I've only known him for almost 3 months... But, I know more about him than I do about myself and from what I know, we have WAY to much in common for our own goods... It's hard to be close to someone for me... Especially with my BF and my BFF... I want to get close and open up, but then again I don't because what happens if they use it against me or throw me away like a used up napkin like everyone else has done in my past... How is it so easy for people to do that??? Just leave people and never talk to them again???

Take this to heart... So drop me down, your world is old you're reign is over... SO here it is, my coldest shoulder... 

I don't know... Blue October always makes me feel so wonderful, even though their music is totally messed up, it's also real life... It's just... Well... Real... I can't find the other words to say... IT just seems to go with my mood...

Why am I not satisfied with my life... I reach out and fall short every time... It only gets worse the older I get... It kills me inside... Feeling this way... Feeling worse each night... Not sleeping and when I do having the most horrible dreams.... I try to get it right, but it feels like I'm just wasting my time... I'm struggling and falling apart with everyones endless accusations... Breaking silence for me is hard... Screaming inside... And knowing that if I actually voice my opinions I'll not be heard or I'll be ridiculed... Waking up tomorrow always seems like it will be better than this... But, it's not... I do the same thing over and over again... it's like my life is on repeat and I'm destined to be alone for the rest of it... 

I don't know what else to say, this is already a lot longer than I thought it was going to be... I'll try and make sure to keep this updated at least once a week... Though I'm not sure how well I'll remember... 


Peace...
 
 
Current Mood: blahblah
Current Music: Say It- Blue October
 
 
xxxsevenxxx
So, I was informed of an old bear that used to read stories and sing for you... I researched it.... DO you know how much creepy shit there is out there about this bear...

for one:


Teddy Ruxpin: past, present, and future gaming bear king
By Frank Caron | Last updated April 1, 2007 4:03 PM

TeddyI was cleaning out my parents' attic the other day and I happened to stumble upon an old Teddy Ruxpin doll that I used to have when I was a child. The small, t-shirt clad bear seemed stoic about his attic slumber, but picking him up quickly made the doll rise to life. It began spewing the old lyrics from its majestic past:

    Come dream with me tonight
    (Dream with me tonight)
    Let's go to far-off places,
    And search for treasures bright

I turned him over and pulled back his shirt, revealing the cassette player enclosure deep within his back. With the slightest of motions, I removed the cassette and silenced the bear forever. It was a sad moment. Alas, in the following days, I've been haunted by his presence. "You ended my life eearrrllllly," his eerie voice says to me late at night.

Searching for an answer, I met up with an old lady of the cards. She told me that I needed to pay penance to the once and future king of bears, and that the only way to silence his voice in the night was to play with him. She directed me to the Teddy's gaming shrine, the home at which I would be able to work off my Teddy-debt.

So now, friends, I rid myself of this curse by paying homage to the past, present, and future gaming bear king. I only hope that, should you be so unfortunate as to earn the malice of the Ruxpin demi-god, you too will be able to pay your gaming penance.

For two:

Grok Headline matches for Teddy Ruxpin Returns to Enchant a New Generation of Children

Teddy Ruxpin is Back 06/22/2005 01:57 AM

OMG! I'm going to have to clear off my bed because the Prince is back! Teddy Ruxpin, that magical bear that sang to me, danced with me, talked to me, slept with me, told me where to put the bodies, and even gave me an alibi for the Bangkok police, is back!

Created 20 years ago, the new Ruxpin—Ruxpin Reloaded?—will use digital cartridges containing animation and audio. It would be so cool if you could hook old Ted up to your PC via USB cable and it would also be cool if he would stop following me home even after all these years. He just sits outside and stares. And stares. And stares.


The more I read about this bear, the more I think I want one, but, at the same time, I don't need any more help not sleeping....<Photo 1>
 
 
xxxsevenxxx
22 February 2010 @ 07:57 pm
If you could experience being dead for one day to learn what happens in the afterlife, and were guaranteed to return to life the following day, would you do it? Why or why not?

Ok, I saw this question and felt compelled to write something about it... One, of course, who the hell wouldn't want to know what's on the other side of the very thin line of life... There's got to be something... But, what if it's not like anyone thought it was? What if there's nothing? Who would want to die just to figure out that there's nothing on the other side... And you're just free falling in dead space for eternity... Only to come back the next day and realize that you really wish you  hadn't known that before you actually died... Or, maybe, if you so believe in Reincarnation and Karma, who the hell wants to know they turned into a neuron or an atom... That would be an infinitesimally drab after life... But, at least you're not free falling in dead space for ever... And, who knows... Maybe there is a heaven and hell... Maybe there is predestined junk saying "only those who believe in Jesus and God, those who do not forsake the names of the almighty, those who lived life like it was written to live in the scriptures can get into heaven, a place where there is nothing to want for because it's all there for you and you are reunited with loved ones, and all others who were tempted by Lucifer/Beelzebub/Satan and lived a sinful and stained life are going to hell, a place where there is everything to want and you burn in the fiery pits for ever and ever, infinity..." Who the hell wants to do any of that... Why can't we just die and start the whole process over again, and not remember any of it... Why can't our lives, that we have now, just end, begin, end and repeat...
I don't know, that's my thoughts on that subject...

Honestly, there is no more for today...

Humbly yours,

~Seven~
 
 
Current Mood: Intellectual
Current Music: Apology- Alesana
 
 
 
xxxsevenxxx
22 February 2010 @ 07:40 pm
So, I must warn all of you (but, only on the off chance that someone actually reads this) that this is exactly what goes through my mind on a daily basis... I write these things down in a notebook in hopes that some day I'll be able to figure out exactly why I think of such things.... And, why She's constantly filling my head with her thoughts...


~This notebook belongs to me.
i'm going to use it to write down my thoughts and ignore that socially what i think is wrong and nobody would understand.
i'm going to keep this to myself. Constantly keeping it by me so that no one is subjected to my wrongful thinking... Although it seems quite selfish to keep my thoughts to myself sometimes... i just don't believe anyone could bear to stand what i was thinking. The thought that someone might possibly think i'm crazy crosses my mind all the time. i constantly censor what goes from my brain to my mouth. Sometimes i slip up though, no bodies perfect, and i don't feel bad about what i have said. i feel satisfaction at the pain in their eyes and the astonished look (like an unexpected bitch slap) on their face.
i must keep this neat and tidy... Chaos in writing upsets my comprehension and concentration. i need to be able to focus so people do see through me. They believe they can see through y exterior. But, i carefully plant into their mind that thought. i give them the immediate impression that i am easy to read, when really there only reading one of me. One, that's right, i did lay down the foundation of implications.
The human race thinks they have it all figured out. They think they know about everything... i see through the charade like they've been bathing in windex... And, i want every last one of the hypocrites, impostors and haters dead...
And, no, not just in the "drop-dead-attitude" of a typical being that is my age... i mean that i wish them to feel the pain i do... i wish them to suffer. And, the only one with the ability to cause them the amount of pain and suffering they deserve is me.
Patrick Batemen in the movie "American Psycho" said it best "I just want to fit in" i am a simple person with a complex thought process... i am obsessed with perfection i will never attain.
But, not to worry, i will soon grasp what is rightfully mine... And humanity will fear for their sanity... i have plans for them. There's nothing i can't be or do if i want it enough...
i think what's even worse, there's only one other person i've met worthy of sharing this perfection with me, and once again, i have Him in my grasp. He is the one and only other who thinks as I do... He has one flaw though... i didn't even try and He's been broken... He does as he is told, and, as satisfying as that should be, it actually just frustrates me... i would rather Him be in the middle, it's a fair compromise, not to much to ask of someone i would prefer to spend the rest of my life with... He is the one who can help me reach my perfection, but little every day i fear His control over His self-identity slips and He is relying on me more and more...
Although my body reacts  kindly to the idea of such control, my mind would rather He retain his independence... As i write this i fight the urge to touch myself... i know the climax and the orgasm would be AMAZING, and even the thought of recording it is highly appealing, i feel it is inappropriate for this specific problem... i must take a break and perhaps think of something new to masturbate to...~

~It's the Girl inside my head... She tells me to do things... When i don't listen, there's consequences... Nightmares showing me things, forcing me to hurt myself or see myself hurting others... She normally stays in the NAUGHTY ROOM... She's not normally around when He's around me... But, God, She made it clear she doesn't like Him... She made me help Her in this dream, She makes me So angry... She bashed His head against the wall, i was going crazy... Then He wasn't there, it was Her sitting on the basement floor, and i felt overjoyed as i grabbed her head and slammed it into the cement OVER AND OVER again... i felt like i could finally win... And then i heard a giggle behind me and She said "take a look at what you've done to your wonderful boyfriend... NO ONE CAN TAKE YOU AWAY... NO ONE CAN HELP YOU LEAVE THIS ROOM... You're stuck in here with me..." i started screaming for help and all She did was laugh, and then suddenly i'm looking into His face and everything should be O.K. until He wants to make me talk... She won't let me... Some things escape and She gets mad... Her anger shows in my voice... He's mad at me and She's happy...
What do you do when you're fighting yourself for control and the one thing you love is threatened by something you have no control over...
i fear some day She'll be the one writing and i'll be the one sitting alone in the NAUGHTY ROOM...~

~i've noticed more with each day that i'm slipping... i always wondered what it'd be like if i was actually crazy... Maybe i am, there's got to be something wrong with me... She tells me there's not, that all i need is Her... But, i know what i want is Him... Slowly but surely She's making me push Him away... Driving me insane with the Nightmares and the constant talking...
Today, i wanted to run the car off the road... i wanted to know what it would feel like to be in great agony... i fear it's Her way of telling me somthing... i am refusing to understand it fully... There's no way...
It makes me wonder... Am i really the one that wants to hurt everything.... Am i the one who would have actually snapped the stray cats neck... i wanted to SO bad, kept saying it would put it out of its misery...
Should i just accept that She's part of me? That maybe one day i'll become We and then i will just cease to exist and it will only be Her? All i know is that i have to do everything not to let it happen. i love Him to much for that... i should end it all!~

~i feel lost and confused in this life... i fear one day these "dreams" i have will become my reality, and yet, i don't feel the pain i do in real life when i dream... It excites me...
i'm taking a real risk here, i'm writing all this down in the living room, around my family... Where i'm sure, if They wanted to, They could reach over and snatch this... Oh, i'm sure They'd find SO much amusement... They'd laugh like everyone else does, like She does, at my incompetence... They would not know how to understand... Would They send me away, and not to anywhere pleasant?
i don't know what i would do...
i went outside to smoke and She invaded my mind when i saw a little girl playing in the snow a few yards from my porch... She wanted this girl to feel pain... More pain then i could ever imagine making a little girl feel... But, the more i think about it, the more i know i can get away with it. Who would expect me of that capability? Who would expect me in any way because nobody knows me...
NOBODY!!!
It almost amazes me how nobody knows... i want to feel the pain, i want to run my hands through Her hair, which i bet is silky smooth and long, Her eyes would be beautiful... i want to seem them when i brush Her hair behind Her ear and i tell her it will all be O.K. like everyone said to me "It's only a dream, sweetie, it'll be over soon". i want to kiss Her forehead as my hands go to Her throat, thumbs caressing Her wind pipe... They, i'd grab Her hair, yank Her head back for the satisfaction of Her scream, hearing that beautiful voice chime out the sounds of pain and fear... And, slam Her head into the nearest wall and watch the blood pour down into Her beautiful eyes...
i dare not write more... But, i will say i want to do it because She has what i never thought i wanted 'til i saw Her with it today. i was angered. i am scared that this will consume my life... She doesn't care, She welcomes it... And, i want to do it... She whispers it into my ear and i am not fighting it anymore...~


I will write more from "the notebook" on later dates... It will probably be every three postings in "the notebook"

I do feel that I may be going insane... Listening to the voice in my head... I fear that medicine and therapy will be of no more use to me if I actually go through with what She has been telling me in my head... 

I think I might cry myself to sleep tonight...

Humbly yours,

~Seven~
 
 
Current Mood: sicksick
Current Music: Pardon Me- Incubus
 
 
xxxsevenxxx
22 February 2010 @ 05:13 pm
Can anyone possibly answer what College Algebra has to do with Psychology... I have to write a 5 page paper on a concept I can apply to my chosen profession...  I have the first, second and fifth page written for me, basically...

This is how it goes:

-First Page
      -Title Page, including:
             -Name (___________)
             -Project Title (College Algebra as a Stepping Stone Towards my Future)
             - Course and Section Number (College Algebra: MM212-04)

-Second Page
      -Introduction of Chosen Profession (in laments terms, I'm going in for Psychology with an emphasis on Applied Behavioral Analysis and Cognitive Behavioral Theory)
     -Give a brief overview of the concept you are going to apply to your profession (I'm basically going with this: I'm using College Algebra as a stepping stone and for a base knowledge to better understand how to process statistical knowledge based on numerical data acquired during particular studies, but, even if I can't use hardcore statistics in this paper, because I'm lacking the correct knowledge, I can still talk about solving for basic variables to get percentages and hit how those are used to define correlations. You have to know how to solve for X, and understand why it's solved that way, to have even the slightest chance at understanding statistics)

-Third and Fourth Page
     -Describe how the concept can apply to your chose profession (this is the hard part because I can't find anything online or in the book to help me out with this... It's not like I'm actually doing the math for this part of the paper, more of providing examples and describing how you would use it in a given situation... What the hell... I will never need to know how to Factor a Trinomial by using the Grouping Method)

-Fifth Page
     -Reference Page
              -Giving credit where credit is due

Yah... Well, I understand perfectly how to write a paper forming body paragraphs, headlines, thesis statements, wrap-up sentences, Eye-Catchers... But, I'm not sure exactly how I'm going to write a paper involving how I'm going to associate Concepts from College Algebra into a Psychology Major... 

>=( Damn term papers controlling my mind and taking up all my free time... I curse the inventor of writing papers in algebra... English is not used in Algebra... You don't need grammar, you don't need apostrophes or semicolons... Why do I need to write a paper then???


Humbly your's

XxXsevenXxX
 
 
Current Location: Inside your T.V.
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Current Music: I'm On A Boat- Broadways rendition
 
 
xxxsevenxxx
So, we all realize that it's been quite a while since I've posted anything on here... Making excuses would be pointless... Explaining as to why I haven't would be easier...

The last post I have on here is from my fathers birthday... It's been almost a full year since then...

I have been through hell and high water because I don't know how to control my life at times... The shit I wish I hadn't gone through makes me more of a person now than I was when I actually started this live journal bull crap...

I guess I can explain what I'm doing with my life now... Fill you in on the uselessness of my altruistic reality... 

I have gone right back into the pits of education... Ceasing to be able to fill my proverbial pit of my mindless indulgence for knowledge... I'm now satisfying my hunger by going to school for Psychology... And, I'm pretty sure I found my calling... I'm emphasizing in Applied Behavioral Analysis and Cognitive Behavioral Theory... There's so many ways to go into that...  And yet, I still feel everyday that I'm picking a profession that is not exactly going to work out to well for me... I fear that I will not be able to help anyone... Because, in a world such as this... Where everything is limitless, yet once you have it, it's never what you were expecting... So, in turn, everything sucks... A dystopia where everyone dreams of a utopia, and yet, everyone knows that once you think you've achieved the said "utopia" your faith in it is quickly lost because it's not what you wanted it to be... How the hell do you help someone that only sees what they're used to??? How do you make sense of any of it in order to make someone else make sense of it... It's not possibly.... Fucking life is a catch-22 in and of itself... There's no point really in having big dreams of a wonderful successful life, because it's all crap, it won't be how you pictured it and your dreams are shattered, no fulfillment in that I guess...

I do have to point out though, that with training comes the ability to help... You can't just rely on advice and a pat on the shoulder (which seemed to work SO well in high school with my friends and their  silly relationship problems and minuscule issues)... There's so much more wrong with the world this day and age... 

But, hopefully, the truth that with age comes wisdom is true... And, I will soon learn that I am able to do whatever I want as long as I set my mind to it...

I am hoping to post some more in the Near Future... Because I, sadly, must sleep at some point... But, I will be filling you in from "the notebook"... Not much else is to be said, you will hear more than you want from "the notebook" any way...

=( Must be off...

Your humble narrator

XxXsevenXxX

 
 
Current Mood: Paranoid
Current Music: Squidbillies on the Boob Tube
 
 
xxxsevenxxx
16 March 2009 @ 03:16 pm
Wow, I can't spell... Anywho... Today would be my dads birthday... So, happy birthday to my dad who's up in Heaven watching over me... 
 
 
Current Location: LaLa Land, PA
Current Mood: blankblank
Current Music: Saying Sorry- Hawthorne Heights
 
 
xxxsevenxxx
15 March 2009 @ 07:23 pm
Have you ever been accused of something by someone who KNOWS you didn't do it... Who's just messin with you to see where you'll take it or if you'll give out any information as to if you really did do it or if you know who did it...  My life is just kinda crazy drama bull shit surrounded by relationship shit....

Anywho...  That's all I wanted to post for the day... 


Fucking toasted on life,

Azzy
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